You know the only way to take changes, is the go out on a limb. Why take chances? Because it’s the only way to get where I really want to be in life. I want to be a decently to well paid writer.
So what is this? Because I know what I really want to. I know I’m a leader in this world. Well, at least I know I can be a leader in this world. But I find myself more and more nervous to not only take that leap, but to do what it takes to maintain that status.
Fear of success? Oh yeah. Let me explain that. Fear of success, in my case, is the fear of gaining what I wanted, but nervous about losing it or dealing with the negative sides of being success. Negative sides would be like getting verbally abused by “haters” or people thinking you’re too good now. You know crap like that.
I think my best concern is maintaining the success. Meaning, can I still be creative as much then as I am now. Also, I’m so concerned about maintaining my current lifestyle. I live alone. I enjoy it very much. So I want to make enough money to prevent moving back to my parents house. So how do I maintain my life right now? Look for jobs and get take whatever is available.
What’s available? Dishwashing and serving. Not too bad if you consider the fact I’m a felon and I can get a job quickly here. However, it’s not what I want to do. I mean, who wants to do that daily. I have been doing serve and dishwashing and didnt see any advancement and I saw my writing suffering. So I moved on from a full time dishwashing job to do a temporary dishwashing job. This way I can work when I want and unemployment will help me from there.
So from one hand, I know what I was doing. So on one hand, I’m in the perfect situation–I got the time I needed to get this writing career off the ground. I dont have to worry about being too tired after work and I have all the time I need to talk to people and work.
On the other hand…I’m broke until this works out. Like just under broke. Like living on social services broke.
Now I think about it, this gamble is worth it. Because this is the best way to get to where I want to be in life.
With all this being said, I going to figure out how to turn this into a blessing. I’m going to make it gamble pay off. All I have to do is avoid feeling afraid of success.
What about you? Do you have a fear of success?